Apples and Oranges

Delectable Desserts

2012-01-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

I look at my bank account with yet another sigh... No matter how much money I make, it seems to get put right back into Edgewood tuition... or that hefty Christmas bill... or books for next semester... I haven't even started thinking about books... How about my printer, which has been ink-absent since October? Yet, I'm in no position to work any more hours at either one of my jobs without giving up my sanity. What's a poor boy to do?

Then, an idea!

What if I contracted out my cooking abilities, selling cakes and cookies and puddings and pies and cheesecakes? I could make a few dollars AND hopefully satisfy my insatiable desire to cook and bake all the damn time.

What do you think? Interested? You should let me know. I'd say prices are pretty negotiable. You won't pay $20 for an ice cream cake when I could make you one for like $10? I dunno how much an ice cream cake would cost... But talk to me and I'll work something out with you!

I could do birthday cakes or wedding cakes (please don't ask me to do a wedding cake) or date desserts or late night munchies or anything to satisfy your sweet tooth. Pies. Cookies. Puddings. I could also do peanut butter! I make pretty good peanut (and almond) butter. All homemade. All organic. All yum! I can make pretty much anything.

The only thing is that you keep 2 things in mind.

1) I am a college student living in a residence hall, and therefore probably won't be able to make 50 cakes a week. Probably just one at a time, but I'll let you know if I've got other things going on. This is by no means a professional business. Just a way to hopefully make a dent in the bills. Please don't expect any Ace of Cakes or Extreme Food Network Challenge mile-high cake sculptures (unless you offer me a 10K prize, in which then we could probably work something out).

2) Give me a week's notice so I have time to get groceries and set some baking time aside. Most likely, nothing could be finished before 9pm during the week. Anytime during the weekend is fair game.

So yea. Let me know if you think this is a good idea, even if you don't want to purchase an incredible dessert from me. Also, if you don't want anything now, keep me in mind later in the semester or over the summer.

Maybe, just maybe, if I make enough, I can afford my Kitchenaid Artisan Series Stand Mixer (in Empire Red). That thing is like a culinary Cadillac... *drool

And finally, a taco to express my feelings of appreciation.

Three Diseases You Will Probably Contract at Some Point In College

2011-12-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

1) Anti-satiety - The point where you don't care what is going into your body as nothing can fulfill the empty pit that is your stomach. Eggs, muffin, hummus, ice cream, cookies, 3 lunch entrees and a side, 2 brownies, more ice cream, chips, lasagna, pie... It's 9pm and you are still starving. At this point, it doesn't pay to eat heathy, as you are far beyond the calorie limit of any human being. The only cure is to continue to eat until you throw up, at which point food lose most of its appeal. Hopefully you don't get this condition before an interview or date or something where you need to look your best because the only pants you are going to fit in today are sweatpants.

2) Apathy - What homework? Emails? Work and class? I really don't know what you are talking about. I've got far more important things to do. Causes for this condition may be, but are not limited to: Facebook, friends, alcohol, television and movies, walks, significant others, cleaning, this blog, global warming, spiders, naps, StumbleUpon, music, food, Skyrim, and that shiny thing on the floor.

3) Book Drain - Where every piece of writing blurs togeth-wah-wah wah wah wah. This is caused by reading too much literature and class readings. By reading too many things you don't WANT to read but are obligated to, pleasurable reading loses all of its luster, turning it into a mundane and monotonus task. No wonder why kids hate books these days. This has become an epidemic.

What's Shakin', Facon?

2011-12-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

If you have been waiting for me to write a post about bacon, wait no longer! It is here! A post about every American's dream food: bacon. But, not bacon as you probably know it. A a devout green vegetarian, tonight I have explored the realm of an unspoken foux meat treasure: tempeh bacon.

Fact: "Tempeh is a traditional soy product originally from Indonesia. It is made by a natural culturing and controlled fermentation process that binds soybeans into a cake form, similar to a very firm vegetarian burger patty." - Wikipedia

What an unusual item. Of course it made its new home in my shopping basket (next to the tofu and cranberry cheese and wine and apples and sweet potato chips and other eclectic yum noms).

I was beckoned by the smell of Beggin' Strips once I ripped open the plastic barrier. These suckers stuck fast in the package, but I got them out eventually. My excitement lead me to shred the package with my fangs to get to my new flavors. I threw them on the griddle and in under a minute, I had lovely facon.

Facon babies

Now, I think it is undercooked. But, it's made otta soy, not pig, so what do I care? It still tastes pretty damn nice! Like most vegetarian meat-imitation products, this is a food that overcompensates for umami. It just tastes like very marinated meat. It's not something I'm going to cook every day, but I don't really miss bacon to begin with, so I'm left feeling a bit indifferent. It might be nice on a baked potato or a facon cheeseverger or pizza. I don't have those things, so I'm just going to eat it plain. *shrugs*

Things-I-Hate Thursday

2011-12-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

1) The cinch on the bottom of my sweatshirt because it bunches up and makes me look like I have these huge walrus sized love handles. Sweatshirts are supposed to hide any winter weight gain, not exaggerate it. If I don't keep yanking this sucker down so that it acts like a proper shirt, I look like a balloon.

2) Biting the inside of your mouth and the following 3 weeks as it slowly, s l o w l y,
s l o w l y , s l o w l y heals. If you've never had the experience of a healing mouth wound, I encourage you to chomp down on that fragile membrane lining the inside of your mouth right now. It will be the most painful and annoying sore you've ever had. Well, unless you've got herpes. I imagine that's worse. But, healing mouth wounds are definitely a close second.

3) Internet Explorer. I hate that I need "administer permission" to download a decent web browser on any computer connected to a printer. No, Microsoft. I don't need to be welcomed to the internet every time I open up your crappy software. No, Microsoft. I don't need to "learn more about Internet Explorer" every time I want to check my email. No, Microsoft. I don't need half of my viewing window to be filled with tabs and favorites and bookmarks and advertisements and other stupid buttons that are already located under "File". Imma start bringing a book to read every time I have the luxury of using a school computer.

4) The $100+ dollars that I still have on my meal plan. I've never had this problem before as I usually end up buying food for several people throughout the year, but there is nothing left in the cafeterias to use this money on and no one whom I regularly talk to that seems interested in helping me spend this meal money. I so desperately wish I could spend it at the bookstore, where i could buy myself a nice pair of EC sweats or a tea cup or my $100 worth of books next semester or any number of things I would never want to spend my real money on.

5) Coin laundry. But, then again, who doesn't hate coin laundry.

A Chance Happenstance

2011-12-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

I was in your part of town today.
With that came an unexpected flood of ethereal fantasy.

It's rather scary that such a small amount of time with you has impacted me so deeply. Never yet have I met someone who matches your beauty or the blissful sound of your voice as it resounds in my mind nor the heat that comes from your parting embrace that ignites my own body for days after.

One hundred and sixty since the first time you declined
eighty six since the second
Never since have we spoken.

Yet, I still find myself thinking about you. Not really hoping for a change of heart. Just wondering if you've ever thought of me. If you were ever curious of how our hands may fit together or if my hair is as soft as I imagine yours to be or what it might feel like to just sit next to each other in comfortable silence, enjoying the stars around us.

I don't think I've ever been so moved by another person.

I think I'm glad you don't know, yet I also wish you did. Perhaps if you knew that I meant well, our fates may touch once again.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2011-12-11T18:35:00.001-08:00

Bah.

If you know me, you probably know that I don't celebrate Christmas. As an atheist, I find it a bit hypocritical to celebrate the birth of the Christ savior.

"But, Michael," you ask. "Doesn't that make you a horrible person? Have you no joy in your life?"

To you, I say "No. I am not a horrible person." Actually, I'm all for the holiday season, celebrating the end of the year, and the coming of the new. I like the idea of getting together with friends and family and showing them how much you appreciate them. I like the idea of making piles of food and throwing it all down your gullet until you don't want to (read: cannot) move. I like the idea of random smiles from strangers and the overall jubilance of December.

But when I admit my Christmas abstinence, all the Christians say "Keep Christ in Christmas! Morals and values are what makes Christmas the best! If you don't celebrate Christmas, then you must be a heartless Grinch."

Well, I don't know how much I can speak for other U.S. families, but if my family spent the entire day talking about Christ, I wouldn't be having very much fun. In order to make it fun, the entire country added all sorts of new values. Let's face it. For the most part, Christmas has become about who has the biggest tree, the brightest lights, the most expensive presents, who knows all the words to all the Christmas songs that everyone is sick of because they started playing them in early October, and how drunken aunt Kathy was talking to the cat all day.

Naw. I don't want to celebrate Christmas. Not with all that baggage. Instead, I give you the Winter Solstice. I don't know how it is supposed to be celebrated, but my future plans include friends and games and food piles and wine.

As for gifts, I like the idea of gift giving on days that mean nothing. On this random day, you recieve this unexplainable gift from someone who, at some point, was thinking of you? Not because you were on the shopping list as "Buy toys for Michael" but because they thought, you know what? Michael deserves this and I want to give it to him. I support random gifts, not teaching children to expect presents. It really diminishes the whole experience, don't you think? For a child to walk into Christmas, only there for the gifts. And then the food. And I suppose I'll deal with the relatives, but only because Uncle Frank got me the $200 Super-Mega-Crushasaur with lazer eyes and power claws. I'll give my thanks, but, now, please go away. Leave me alone while I go off to play with my new things.

Will there be gifts at me Solstice party? Eh. I haven't decided yet. Maybe. But if there is, I promise you that we won't be giving out shopping lists of things we want but don't really want to spend our own money on. White elephant, maybe. I like that game, since it is just as much about building relationships as getting gifts. :)

I dunno. Maybe you still think I'm a horrible human being for not believing in Christmas. That would bother me, but I'm not asking you not to celebrate Christmas. In fact, the Solstice is on the 21st, so you can come to both! It's just that I'm just starting my life, and I want a tradition that reflects my beliefs. I'm not going to fight with Christmas or live up to someone else's expectations. I'm going to blaze my own trail and celebrate the end of the year in my own way.

Temperance

2011-12-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

Why I Quit Facebook
I found myself on a cold Friday night, sitting in my bedroom, books to my left, piles of dirty dishes and an unmade on my right, finals in the background of my computer screen. Refresh. No notifications. Refresh. No notifications. Refresh. No notifications. Refresh. No notifications. Refresh. No notifications.

This is how I spent my Friday night until I was able to make the excuse that it was too late to do anything productive. Under further inspection the following day (while I was on Facebook), I realized this is how I spent a lot of my time. I'm just a zombie, waiting for my next notification to let me know that someone has acknowledged a post that I shared. It was rather disturbing that this was some how bringing me immense pleasure. There are so many other things I could be doing, like reading the books I've been wanting to read, cleaning the pig sty that I have been living in for the past week, talking to people - you know - verbally, consulting my calendar to be informed of the birthdays of people whom I actually like, writing a blog, growing a beard... All things things could be done, yet here I sit, in front of my computer, hitting refresh. At least all of those other things have something that could be gained. I would have new knowledge, a clean room, a stronger friendship, ugly and itchy facial hair... What is my prize from Facebook? "Maggie liked your photo." <-- That's it? Will I remember that next week? Tomorrow will that matter to me? That's what happiness is?

I wanted to really shift my focus. I was honestly disgusted with the dirty grip that Facebook had over my life. It was scary. Even now, without my Facebook page active, I find myself thinking "I wish I could write this thought as a status. People would think I'm so clever!" Why do I need internet validation? Why do those damn notifications mean so damn much?

Life without the Book
It's really nice. Honestly. I've actually noticed a lot less stress because I'm not as worried about having yet another thing to check. It's weird to notice how much of an impact such a silly little thing has on you. Well, me. I don't know how you feel about Facebook.

Better without Facebook? Well, I don't know. Google + simply doesn't get the same amount of traffic. I miss being connected and I miss sharing funny things that I find on the internet. Two couples have broke up AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT! Not to mention, this post won't be getting any views without it being posted on my wall.

Why I'm Coming Back
Le sigh. What is a boy to do? As much as I hate being a slave to an internet site, I find that things are a lot harder without social media, similar to how you might have to exhaust yourself to dial a number on a rotery instead of touch tone.

At what point does it go from easy to stressful? I think it is when it becomes obsessive. Therefore, I've devised a plan of attack for when I reopen the doors to my Facebook wall once again to ward off the socially-starved mindset.

1) No Creepin'. I don't need to know half as much as I think I need to know about that cute boy down the hall. If he is interested in me, he will talk to me. Never have I ever dated a guy I've creeped on Facebook first. Also, if they are not a cute boy, I still don't need to know about their Facebook life. If I am going to have strict privacy controls, I should respect the stupidity of others who do not by refusing to exploit their idiocy.
2) No Phone. No iTouch. No Homepage. It is really, really, really nice being unplugged from the hive mind for several hours at a time. I'm much too busy and value too much of my time to be sitting on Facebook like Pavlov's (or, in this case, Zukerburg's) dog.
3) Turn Off "like" Notifications. I'm happy you liked my video of a cat slapping the shit out of a child, but I shouldn't be sitting here and waiting for it, only to then revel in the endorphins that come from the little red notification box.
4) Count Friendships, Not Friends. I want to have lunch with you. I want to hang out with you. I want to be around 10 other people and have a great time and NOT have to think "I can't wait to post this photo of us as my profile pic so everyone can see that we are BESTIES!" If you've read this far, send me a text. I'll buy (make) you lunch so we can have a friendship, not just be Facebook friends.

When will I come back? I dunno. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe this weekend. Maybe next week. It's almost like vacation and I'm not sure I want it to end, yet I know it will eventually.

White People Problems

2011-07-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

I can't say that I followed local politics all that closely in high school, but I remember that, four-ish years ago, someone was trying to pass a bill that asked sports teams that were represented by a specific race to change their mascots. This would impact my high school and the Berlin Indians. I remember everyone getting huffy about it, but I didn't care. Mostly because, while in high school, I didn't care what our stupid sports team was called. However, I recently noticed that I have 6 friends (all Berlin graduates, and therefore, would be least affected by a change) who are in a Facebook group dedicated to "Save[ing] the Berlin High School Mascot".

Now that I'm older , in college, and have had a chance to realize and understand the impact such things, I don't care about the change for a different reason. I don't care what the Berlin teams call themselves, as long as they realize the impact they have on other people. Sure, coming from me, a white male, this might not mean much, since I have not felt the discrimination or past pains of native Americans, but I can say that it's not up to me to take their identity and use that as a figurehead for a sports team.

I have do have an opinion, however. I believe that even if there is just a single native Americans who is insulted or hurt by our use of "Indians", then yes, we should absolutely, without resistance, change our mascot. What hurts more? Having to purchase new uniforms for the schools (Ummm... that should be a huge 'Yay!' from any high school athlete or band member) and having to let go of some memories of an old high school mascot and then having to embrace a new one? Or enabling subtle racism by using a minority group as a figurehead, objectifying a group of people with headdresses, red skin and the "passing of the hatchet"? If you are going to idolize a group of people, how about taking on and teaching their morals and values as well? The Berlin Indians should be one with nature. We should respect the plants, trees, and animals that share this world with us. We should treat every other citizen as family, with respect, honor and loyalty. We should learn about the natives in our history class; more so than just that Colombus had a cute dinner with them in late November. I see very little, if any, of this being taught in the Berlin school system. If Berlin wants to idolize a group, then embrace the entire identity of the group, not stereotypes. I can say I know nothing more of any indian tribe after going to BHS than I did about any other racial minority. Why? Because, in a town that is 95% white, racism and other issues that surround a not-white identity don't affect the majority. We would much rather hold on to our precious high school memories. We would rather have our children get the same racially ignorant education that we did, since we cannot admit to any flaw in the education we received. We don't want OUR feelings hurt.

Instead of recognizing the faults of our predecessors, let's just get upset about something that won't *really* matter to us 5 years from now. Let's ignore how racial ignorance has embedded itself so deeply in Berlin culture that the people of Berlin cannot open their minds and understand that, maybe, just *maybe*, they are hurting someone else.

But who am I, a middle-class, white male, to say what a minority group feels, who have felt discrimination for... 300 years, now? But, I would ask the same of you. Who are you to make that judgement?

An Open Letter to the Weather Man

2011-06-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

To all weathermen, their bosses, President Obama and God,

Tonight marks the 7th night this summer that I have eagerly waited behind my desk of employment for an evening full of thunder, hail, ferocious rains and lightening. Like a child on Christmas morning, I have kept a watchful eye on the clouds and sky, preparing for the moment the heavens open up and unleash the torrential deluge of wet. Unfortunately, this has yet to happen this summer, despite the several apps, weather forecasts and online radars that have reassured me of the coming storm. The only time that I WAS graced with a storm was when you sent a tornado tearing through Madison, to which you gave me, the person responsible for making sure the 9 buildings on campus are evacuated and safe, zero warning. It was just "Oh. Surprise tornado coming your way. LOL." Because of the lack of adequate warning, I wasn't able to enjoy that storm, so I'm not counting that as a good weather experience.

I expect better forecasts for the rest of the summer. If there are not improvements, repercussions will be inevitable, i.e. more sassy letters, excessive complaining, grumpy eyes focused at the sky, etc...

Sincerely,
Michael H. Mattice
Edgewood College LLC RA, Synergy Liaison, Emergency Responder, Chef, Maid, Information Specialist and Main Phone Operator, Tour Guide, Student, Volunteer

AKA, pretty damn important, so please see that this letter is given greatest priority.

What if...

2011-06-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

...no one did duckface? Ducks are not sexy. Also, if no one took pictures in the bathroom. I don't care how many abs you have or how close you can get to your unmentionables without the pic being X-rated; if you have a pooping receptacle in the background, I'm not turned on.

Planning Early for Christmas in July (AKA the Summer Solstice, which is actually in June, but whatever)

2011-05-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

Deer Santa/Mother Gaia,

This is my wishlist:

#1: A pretty boy with pretty eyes and pretty hair that will sneak up behind me and hug me unexpectedly. A boy who wishes me good night every night and surprise me at my door with a kiss. A boy who with make out disgustingly with me in the rain under bolts of lightening. A boy who I'm allowed to show affection for and a boy who wants to receive that affection.

#2: Pillows that aren't lumpy. All my pillows are lumpy and uncomfurrble. Especially my body pillow. Cuddling with that thing is as comfortable as a cuddling with a burlap sack filled with apples and bees.

#3: I really want some Culvers right now... I'll take my mushroom burger with extra ketchup and mustard, fries and some dill pickle chips, which aren't sold at Culvers, so make a special trip. Maybe I'll stop by a grocery store and buy ingredients to make these foods and then eat them at 1am... Yuck. I'm gross.

#4. I wish that everyone would recycle and buy eco-products. That's what all the cool kids do and I wish I knew more cool people. Or, world peace. One of the two. I'm not picky.

#5. Endless Pandora streaming directly to my brain. Also, if I could magically summon songs to start playing when I walk into a room, that would be nice too. That way, I could better fit the role of "dramatic gay" instead of just pretending to be dramatic on the internet.

I think that is about good. Just gimme those 5 things and I will be set for life.

Kthaxbai,

Michael

Day #Nix: Endings

2011-05-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

So, I failed at BEDA. But, that is ok, I think. I started a blog, and I'm going to try to keep up with it, but I'm not going to finish the rest of the prompts, just because I'm so far behind. I think I will just share my mind, and you can take what I say as you will.

One of the prompts that did strike me, however, was one on endings. I've begun to look at the beauty that is an ending. How so, you ask? Well, when planning this blog as part of BEDA, I thought about the endings of a lot of my favorite books, movies and video games and how several of them have been able to move me to tears; tears that carry the weight of sadness, the clarity of relief, or the power of determination.

One ending that has particularly struck me was that of a game called Nier. Set in a post apocalyptic world that is torn asunder by war, famine and disease, Nier is about a man whose daughter is very sick and he searches for the book that holds the cure. She is eventually kidnapped by a large spirit, who whisks her away to somewhere unknown. You go through the game fighting these spirit creatures, called Shades, and then finally, the king Shade himself. La-de-da. Blah, blah, blah. Pretty standard plot for a video game. However, the twist comes in on the second playthrough, which gives a whole new outlook on the game.

On the second play through, you are able to hear the voices of the Shades. You hear about their culture and seclusion. Their cries and loneliness. The peace they have with the earth and how they want to defend it. Their conversations bring a realization on just how mistaken this human/Shade war is. As you are learning all of this back story, it becomes increasingly difficult to strike a Shade who has a family and a mother and a reason to be fighting. Killing these Shades, however, are the only way to progress and understand more of the story. As you do so, you continue to gain a deeper understanding on how, after destroying the world once, humans have begun doing it again and have upset the Shades, who we now know as the innocent souls of humans who have died in the wars before. It is not the first game that has brought me to tears, but it was one of the most memorable, as it speaks to how, in the real world, we fight and kill, slaughter and ruin other's homes and families. Other human beings. And for what? For power. Out of fear. Because of our ignorance and refusal to listen and understand. I realize that this blog makes me sound like a total nerd, but, video game or not, this story is beautifully told and could not be told better through book or movie.

Day #24: Happy Hour Holidays

2011-05-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

My holidays are a little awkward. I go to both my mother's mother's house and my father's mother's house. Studies show that we go to my father's side first, so we shall begin our exploration of the true meaning of the holiday's there.

Let me just say that my father's family isn't into planning, so we usually know when and where the holiday will be about 4 or 5 days before it happens. It's not necessarily a bad thing... They are just laid back. It's just a little difficult to make a cute dish when you don't have enough planning time. So, therefore, our spread is mostly easy dishes coming out of a box, which is unfortunate, because it is this grandmother that got me hooked on cooking in the first place... Don't even get me started on my mother's mother's cooking... She puts ketchup and hamburger together and calls it barbecue... She gets her servings of vegetables from a can... and she puts at least 4 tablespoons of butter and salt on her mashed potatoes.

Any way, both family's are awkward. Dad's family is awkward because I don't feel like I really fit in. I'm not really "out", per se, but most people knows. I just don't want the attention and it's never come up. Maybe, if someone asks me if I want a brat, I can make a scene: "ARE YOU ASKING JUST BECAUSE I'M GAY?" lol. j/k.

Usually my cousins are the life of the party, since they are the ideal boys that everyone wants, being straight football players that were in the Army that are getting married to two bright, young girls this summer. One of my cousins is really funny too, so he usually gets a lot of laughs and brightens the scene. My aunts used to like me more before I "grew up", but now, I'm ok with just talking to my parents, my mother in particular. Sometimes we play games when my cousin's finance says we should, which is pretty fun because it really gets everyone to break out of their shy shells and have fun together, like a family should.

If we are (not) lucky, there will be a football game or a car race on TV, so it's boys in the living room and girls (and girly boys like me) in the kitchen. We sit and talk and clean up and the men watch the game and talk about plywood or car tires or some shit like that. I dunno. I'm clearly never in there.

After that's over, we head to my mother's mother's house. This is another, different sort of awkward for me. Like my father's family, I'm not entirely out, but people know. I don't explicitly come out because of my grandmother, who is very religious, and my aunt, who is very... Well, a bitch. She says fag all the time at the dinner table, plus a bunch of racial slurs... And you can't tell her to stop, since she don't give a shit. It's unfortunate, but I'm working on it. I've dropped hints and, while I can't change her, I hope to make it a little easier for my boyfriend someday when I want to bring him to holidays. Plus, I would say the rest of my family knows for sure. Probably my grandma as well, since she made it explicitly clear that I can "bring a friend" to Easter this year. I guess it's just my aunt who is out of the loop. Oh well. I don't give a shit.

This family is mostly awkward (but slowly getting better) because they like to drink. Not grossly, but it is a conversation piece that I am often left out of. I can drink my glass of wine, but it's still awkward. I don't want to look like a lush and drink as much as they do, nor do I want to get the wrong attention, being the "college boy". I'm still not recognized as an adult... It's really strange. I try to relate, but my life is just different. I'm not that close with any of them, since I don't hang out with them outside of holidays, so when I come home, people ask me about school... and nothing else. And I don't really know what to say with them. I do so much, but trying to get them to understand what I'm talking about, WHY I choose philosophy over being a doctor, WHY I stand for not only gay rights, but feminine rights, ethnic equality, breaking down the gender binary and environmentalism.

So, I've decided to celebrate my own holidays. I've decided on 4 each year: the spring, summer, autumn and winter solstices. Kind of new age-y, but whatever. I want to be able to have a reason to celebrate each year without following the Christian practices. I'm really excited to start celebrating this. I haven't thought out the details or know if they are already holidays, but I don't care. Me, my friends, and the family that will come despite the atheist aspect, will enjoy each other's company, excellent food, fun games and pretty drinks. :) I. Can't. Wait. :D

Day# 23: Plant Whisperer

2011-04-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

Yay! I found free time! But, I do want to warn you that it may slip away from me again soon, so I may disappear before I want to, but yea. Enough sad stuff. Let's get into my interview with Princess!

I was blessed with an opportunity to sit down and chat with my fellow co-worker, Princess (not to be confused with my resident, Princess). She has a great personality and plays a key role in the functionality of the CAC.

Me: "So, Princess. How long has you worked here at the CAC?"
Princess: "..."

Translation: About 2 years. My job is to primarily provide adequate air circulation to the other workers, but I also am quite beautiful. EVERYONE says it's part of my job description to just sit here and just look pretty and I definitely agree.

Me: "Yes. I can see how you often win the employee of the month here! You do a great job at what you do. My second question is about what you've seen in your experience while working here. What has been your most exciting memory from working at the CAC?
Princess: "..."

Translation: Well, there was that one time where we had a tornado drill. That was pretty exciting. I'm actually in charge of sending the text messages and voicemails, probably the most important part. You think the RA's have it hard, evacuating all of the residents, but try typing the same message 1,500 times and then having to call each one of those phones! Now THAT is difficult!

Me: "That IS pretty impressive! Talk about dedication to the job... How did you get your name, Princess:"
Princess: "..."

Translation: You know how I got my name. Don't be like that. Don't waste my time with dumb questions. I've got shit to do, you know.

Me: "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How about your home life? What is your family like?"
Princess: "..."

Translation: I never knew my mother or my father. As far as I know, I'm alone in the world. But that's ok. Nichole, Maria and Melissa were kind enough to take me in when I was just a seedling and have raised me with much adoration and praise. As for a family of my own, I would never be able to find a partner with enough sex appeal and personality. I would rather not waste my time trying to find a man good enough for the Edgewood princess. I'm ok with being alone, though, since I always have someone to talk to behind this desk.

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that. Who is your favorite person to spend time with behind the desk?"
Princess: "..."

Translation: Not you, that's for damn sure... Always on your computer and talking to the people on the OTHER side of the desk. No. I would much rather work with Katie. She talks to me and tells me all of these private stories about her residents. You never share any dirty gossip.

Me: "You you are a bit of a rumor weed? Haha. Do you get that pun? Anyways, what is your fav-"
Princess: "..."

Translation: A WEED? Na-ah. I don't think so. This interview is over. Don't think your boss won't hear about this... You are as good as fired, as far as I'm concerned. Where do you get off calling me a weed? You don't think I have power around here? They call me Princess for a reason. I could reach for the phone and within minutes, I can have the president on the line. Now do you understand just how much shit you've stepped in? He is going to sue your ass, then expel you from Edge-

At this point I just put a bucket over her. That shut her up, since reduced light isn't the best energy source for a clover. She will probably pass out and forget this ever happened, just like half of Madison after this weekend (because of the Mifflin block party).

Day #∞: Pressing Pause

2011-04-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

HI!

As you may or may not have noticed, I have missed several days of BEDA. Unfortunately, this is due to all of my free time being absorbed by homework, class, work and other busy-ness. It is slowly driving me mad... Because of this, I will not be posting for a few days. Probably a week. I've got this 12 page paper that I have to write by next monday, plus a presentation, and with a no-homework policy being put into place at my job, I will not have that opportunity to work on it. It's really unfortunate, but I'm running on empty as it is and I still want my blog to be entertaining, not just something I HAVE to do, because then it's not funny and then you don't want to read it.

I just wanted to say sorry and please excuse me. I will still be doing BEDA, but I'll be behind a few days. The end of April is coming up as well... I'm not sure what I'll write about after then... I need some prompts... I don't think I will write good freestyle... Hmmm... We will see. :)

Day #22: Don't Mind Me. Just Creepin'

2011-04-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

Pfft. Twitter is just the wannabe Facebook. I don't even have a Twitter account, nor will I ever get one. Seems like a waste of time.

However, Facebook is just as bad. I creep people every day. I use Facebook to find out every detail of a person. Don't give me that look... You do it too.

Today, I creeped myself first. I added a few people the other night and wanted to make sure I didn't have stupid shit on there like "Michael just answered 'I call it soda' to a question. What do you think?" or some stupid stuff like that.

Next, I creeped people that popped up in my feed (as remembered by my browser history), such as Mandy (best bud), Cecelia (fellow Philosophy major), Angela and Gabe (new friends), Beth (my boss), and Katie (friend and co-worker). Apparently, I don't creep as many people as I think I do, because that's a pretty short list...

Anyway, my history also reminds me of the 20 minutes I spent looking at pictures of this incredibly cute guy... Perhaps it's the point in my book that I'm reading (where Kvothe gets in an argument instead of revealing his love for the girl that he has been swooning over for a year now) that reminds me just how heavy my heart has been feeling lately. I won't use his name, despite experience telling me that nothing will come of this new friend... But I would rather not embarrass myself or have him read this... Which I highly doubt would happen anyway... Better safe than sorry, right?

This was suppose to be a fun post, and I guess it started off pretty fun, but I'm just not feeling it tonight. Too much heartache and loneliness will be keeping me company tonight and they tend to put me in an emotionally exhaustive mood, making it really hard to make jokes and put a smile on your face. I apologize.

Day #21: Wind and Water

2011-04-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

These are the reasons why I love the rain.

1. Petrichor is one of the best smells on this planet.

2. I think it would be absolutely amazingly beautiful if I was kissed in the rain. Ahhhh... Just thinking about it makes me all melty inside...

3. Everything becomes so much greener after the rain. This means that the plants are happy, which makes me happy. :)

4. There is nothing more fun than stomping in puddles. Well, except for watching fainting goats.

5. Perhaps I'm crazy, but I find the rain therapeutic. As if it washes away my negativity. I'm never in a bad mood on a rainy day.

6. It's really fun to drive in the rain, especially through big puddles. A lot of people don't like driving in the rain, but it's my favorite time. I like the cold smell of outside, inside of the car along with the cold glass and clarity of the window after it has been wiped.

7. Early morning fog is as much beautifully alluring as it is creepily disturbing. It makes me want to dance though it, but I don't want to get eaten by ghouls or have my head removed with a chainsaw.

8. Falling asleep to the rhythm of rain is lovely.

9. Thunder storms are exciting. The wind tears at the trees and lightening illuminates the dark and ominous clouds. Rain beats at the windows and thunder echos across the sky. One of the simplest forms of entertainment nature has to offer.

10. It's fun to watch people afraid of water run around covering their heads with whatever refuse they can find or carrying around their umbrella as if a single droplet of water would destroy their hair or clothes or personality or something.

Day #20: Smile. You've Got French's©

2011-04-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

How to make someone's day:

First, you want to make sure you are in a good mood. For me, that means looking nice and feeling confident. This is really important because then you are not focusing on yourself, but someone else.

First-point-five, smile. That tells people that you are friendly, approachable and trustworthy. It's also good practice for pictures.

Second, say their name. "Hey, Mandy." "Hi, Becky." "What's up, Orval?" Someone's name is the most beautiful thing they can hear. It also shows that you have gone through the trouble of remembering it and creates a stronger connection between people you may have just met or just see on a daily basis. It does mean a lot.

Third, ask how they are. Oh. And MEAN it. Not only is this a great ice breaker and conversation starter, but it also means that you want to invest in the relationship. You do care how they are and you want to hear about the highlights or gripes of their day.

Fourth, if they ask how you are, say something other than "good." Be honest and tell a story. Not something long and boring, but something mundane, yet out of the ordinary that might make the person laugh.

FInally, leave on a bright note. Smile and have a cheery voice. Be sincere throughout your conversation as well as at the end when you say "talk to you later" or "have a good day". :)

Day #19: I DO Read Books, You Know...

2011-04-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

It's seems like I've been reading a lot of shitty books lately like "The Spitting Image" (which some unfortunate guy bought from me off Amazon for $20 today), but one book that I absolutely love is "The Wise Man's Fear", the sequel to my other favorite book, "The Name of the Wind". These two books are not for everyone since they are rather nerdy, talking about magic and monsters and the typical fantasy stuff (that I secretly love), but if you are into that kind of thing, I would highly recommend them.

Why? Patrick Rothfuss writes in such a way where the mundane events of Kvothe's life (who is the main character of the Kingkiller trilogy) are so exciting and intriguing, you don't want to put the book down. Well, they aren't really mundane at all... His quarrels with his wealthy and snobbish rival, the social grace that he possesses when talking to the skittish Auri, dealing with demon Devi, his incredible intelligence within the Arcanium and the insight you get to his clever mind all create a character who you'll love and want to continue reading about. This is a very good thing, considering each book weighs more than a small horse and can leave quite a bruise if you were to, oh, I don't know, clock someone over the head for being unreasonably loud at an unreasonable hour. Pat's plot and writing style allow you to breeze through the 1000 pages quickly and then leave you hungry for more. It's just incredibly unfortunate that he took 4 years to write the sequel... I don't want to wait anther 4 for the final chapter!!!

I will soon be re-reading the first, but if anyone is interested, let me know if you would like to read it and I will write up a contract that you can sign with your blood and I will lend it to you. Yes, I'm serious. It is my most valuable book. Well, that and my precious grimoire, "The Joy of Cooking".

Day #18: The Things People Do With Their Mouthes That Annoy Me

2011-04-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

My top ten things that change me from a sweet and caring young man into a bitter, raging bitch*:

*dramatized for effect

1) The difference between inside voice and outside voice.  There are too many people who don't know this difference. Wether it be yelling a (not funny) joke in the hallway after quiet hours or a particular person's annoying laughter (and farts) that constantly pollute my room with noise, I just want to tell them to STFU or GTFO.

2) The blame game. When nothing is your fault and, instead, the fault of everyone else. You are so incredibly perfect that human error does not apply to you.  Pffft. Please... It takes a strong person to fess up to their faults and mistakes. It takes a wise person to learn from those mistakes and grow into a better person. It does nothing but soil relationships when you insist on keeping up your perfect facade.

3) The phrase "Because of the fact..."  This is usually followed by an opinion, not a fact. Really, this phrase means nothing. It does not make you more creditable or sound like you know all of these facts. No. Instead, you look like an idiot who doesn't know the difference between fact and opinion. I'm mostly talking about the obnoxious girl who sits behind me in history that always shoots off her stupid "facts" during class, resulting in everyone looking at her with the WTF face. I'm going to punch her in the face next time she talks. That's a fact.

4) Unnecessary swearing.  We all know that person who loves to swear, but never has a reason to do so. They seem to think it makes what they say more important or they look cool because they cussed. It doesn't do either one of these things. Instead, it makes you seem uneducated and tra$hy because you won't think of another, more appropriate word. Swearing has it's place in anger, frustration, sadness and jokes. In everyday conversation and when stating your "facts" (*ahem*girl that sits behind me in history...), it is unnecessary.

5) Ppl who due knot no how 2 spell ore think that it iz o.K. 2 uze not the goodest grammer. Wen u omit leters form ur txts or perposly spell things wrong, u look liek an illiterate moron who don't no how 2 rite. Immporper grammer uzers, I mock u for ur abuse of the Inglish langwage. Its won thing 2 due et onn perpose and be funy abowt it (liek me and my lolcat grammer) but its a hole other deel wen u honestly think that takling liek this is acceptable. If u rite like this, plz dont procreate. Tanks.

6) Saying "bye" before you leave. This doesn't irritate me so much as it makes an awkward situation. You know, like when you are done talking, say bye, and then end up walking the same direction? You can't keep talking, since you already ended the conversation... But you are being rude by not talking to them... So what should you do? Sometimes, I walk the other way and take a longer route to avoid this situation.

7) People who insist on eating with their mouth open.  It's really gross. It makes you look like a neanderthal (although not as much as people who eat those massive turkey drumsticks).  I don't want to see your food. Shut it.

8) People who don't brush their teeth as often as they should.  I feel awful about this judgement, but I get really grossed out when people are up in your face, talking and expelling rancid air up into your nostrils. Whether it be early in the morning or after a dinner of a hamburger, onions and fries, you should be aware of your breath because that can be one of the first things people notice about you. One person that comes to mind is the girl in high school whose breath smelled like dirty cat litter... :( See? Now that's what I think of every time I see her...

9) When I tell some one that I'm gay and they try to relate. "Oh. I have a cousin that knows a guy who's wife's son's co-worker is gay. So, yea. I'm tolerant and obviously have experience talking with your kind of people. You know Pat, right? Maybe I can set you up on a shopping date? You like shopping, right?" Soooo obnoxious. Especially if they ask if I know the person that they are talking about... Yea... We've met at the monthly gay meetings. You know, HA. Homosexuals Anonymous. Yea... You are really not as tolerant as you think you are...

10) The phrases "that's gay" and "that's retarded". This is part of what is becoming a nation wide movement where people are realizing that the words they use are hurtful or hateful. I think the usage of these phrases are going down, but not fast enough, unfortunately. If you use it, expect my judgey eyes and a snotty remark on how that phrase is not applicable.

Day #17: ?

2011-04-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

I believe in questions.

This I believe.

Any questions?

Day #16: Cara cakes

2011-04-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

'Ello to all of Michael's minions and avid followers. Thanks for checking out his blog today. My name is Cara, and today... I'M HIS GUEST BLOGGER!

Incredibly honored, seriously. Thanks, Big Mike. (P.s-- Michael... remind me to start calling you Big Mike...just kidding.)

I have no idea what to write about, so I think I will tell our story.

LOVE STORY, of course.

Michael and I met last year at school. I don't know when, I don't know where, and I really don't know why. We didn't have classes together, we lived in different buildings, and weren't in the same social group. Anyway, fate had it that we were to meet, and we sure did.

Freshman year was.. interesting to say the least. Michael didn't like me. He thought it was rude that I left my boots in the hallway, and he thought that I thought that I ruled my dorm, (which I did.) He probably didn't like the decorations on my door, or my loud music, or my obnoxious friends. It's okay, I forgave him for being a hater. But truth is, I didn't necessarily like him either. I didn't dislike him in the way he disliked me, but he did rub me the wrong way (not literally, we didn't start rubbing until this year.) I guess it just wasn't the right place, or the right time for us.

Anyway-- our love story. Michael and I both became RAs in the same building. Though, I am not honored to have him as my CO, he does only live a measly 18 seconds away, so I guess that's the second best thing. After summer training, I guess that's when you can say the spark started. It started off small but don't worry, my friends, it grew. Quite large, actually.

I'm not quite sure how that happened either, I guess maybe because we're both kind of lonely people by nature. Or maybe we discovered we both like cooking, and blogging, and have similar opinions of people in our Hist271 class. Maybe it's because he thinks my friend Ryan is cute, and I think it's cute that he thinks that.

However it happened, it happened in a strong way. Michael is a really close friend of mine, and we're also kind of in love. Platonic, undying love. People might think we are dating because we hold hands and hug and talk like a couple. I also used to try to kiss him, not because I wanted to, but those gorgeous lips of his... irresistible I tell ya. But I'm passed that phase (really... seriously.. I promise.)

Anyway, I guess to sum it all up, Michael and I have the same kind of relationship as neighbors who have lived next to each other for many years. We had a rocky start (I never trimmed my hedges, his fence was technically on my property.) We've become good friends, (I make him lemonade and he makes tons of brownies but doesn't share.) And let's be honest, we're kind of going to grow old together. Not in the romantic way, but in the good friend/neighbor way. You know... like that.

One day, Michael and I are going to share an avocado tree that grows in between our back yards. That's just the kind of relationship we have, I guess.

Day #15: Link Whore

2011-04-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me? What do I love about YouTube?

Whenever I'm glum, I watch Kittens Inspired by Kittens. That ALWAYS puts a smile on my face.

There is also the Fancy Cats lady, who is my role model and my idol. I want to be just like her when I'm an old woman. :)

I also like this remix of Katy Perry's Firework. And this XXXO remix from M.I.A. And this remix of Take it Off by the trash queen. And this mix of Mirrors by Natalia Kills.

And then there is the catchy little girl dance. So cute. :O Guaranteed smiles. :)

Finally, we have a new song from mother monster, released earlier today.

Day #14: Dirt and Water

2011-04-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

These are the reasons I love plants:

1) They are pretty. Obviously. Especially orchids and spider ivy.

2) They make new air. This is especially important when you have roommates that use all of the air from being in the room all day or when smokers sit outside my window and make stinky air.

3) They eat bugs. Well, flytraps do. I want to get one this summer. Her name will be Carol.

4) Unlike a baby, you can go a few days without watering them and they still love you.

5) They make inside feel like outside, without the bugs, sunburn, snow, chilly wind and children that are also frequently experienced outside.

6) You can eat them! I plan to grow mint, basil and cilantro this summer. :) Hello, mint tea, pesto and tacos. :)

7) They are green, which is my favorite color.

8) You can combine them with booze to make flavorings. I'm looking forward to making vanilla and mint extracts this summer for use during the winter... Also, I want to make my own mouthwash, which is just mint marinated with booze that has sit on the counter for a couple of weeks. Did you know that? Aren't plants fun?

9) Spinach is a plant. Spinach is fucking delicious (when properly prepared).

10) There is this special place by the lake that I like to go. The only reason the lake hasn't eaten it up is because the roots of the surrounding trees are holding the dirt there. It's a really cool thing to see.

Day #13: You Ask Me to Talk About Food?

2011-04-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

Basickly, I've been wanting to make cinnamon rolls reeeeel bad lately... I have so many different variations that I could easily do this for weeks... But, I can't eat them, as I don't want to physically look like a Cinnabon in a few weeks. Therefore, expect to be well fed with (all sorts of) home cooked food (particularly desserts) if you are living in the Madison area.

I can also tell you what I DON'T want to make and that is any sort of cookies. One recipe that I'm tackling this summer is ice cream sammiches, which requires cookie baking... Not looking forward to that. Expect several cuss words from my kitchen on that dreaded day...

Cakes? I make them my bitch. *snap*kissy face* Making lots of those as well, including the 2am cupcake variety. :) I love me some late night/early morning, insomnia cupcakes... :)

Can I make it any more clear how much I want a kitchen? How a kitchen is vital to my existence and how I am currently suffering without it? Dramatic? Yes. Can I eat it all myself? No. Visit me and you win a free meal. :)

Day #11 and 12: A Hiccup in BEDA

2011-04-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry. My bad for being busy. I have neglected this blog baby.

My dream vacation would definitely be Europe. But, I guess it depends when you ask me. Right now, it's Europe. 5 years from now, it will probably be America. The more I learn about the direction America is headed, based in money controlling the country (since the CEO of Wal-Mart wipes his butt with $100 bills but most Americans will never have that wealth that is supposed to be "the American dream"), how cooking is becoming a lost art, how Americans just don't care about anything (Knowledge is only good if you can use it to get a job. Self development and passionate understanding? Are those even words?) and don't realize the value of human unity... It's really sad... I'd rather be on the outside where people actually find value in these things, rather than feel hopeless inside the American system.

I guess that also kind of works for my brain crack...

Although... I would totally love something that could erase my memory. If I could get the same excitement I did when I first read the Harry Potter books or if I could purposely forget about homework so I could enjoy a weekend out... That would be fun.

Eh. In 20 years, some scientist will have that made. The only problem is that your kidney's explode and your fingernails fall off. It will still sell.

Day #10: Off My Chest

2011-04-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

I was blessed with a full set of chest hair. But I rejects it. I says, "No, nature. I will not be the hairy chested man. I will be the sexy smooth chested man." So I shave my chest about twice a week.

It's a rough life. I can't shave every day without getting serious razor burn. So I have to wait until it's semi prickly before I shave that shit off. And even then, I usually get some razor burn.

I've tried Nair on my chest, but that burns soooo much... My chest ends up looking worse than it did before I shaved. Like I dipped it in acid... Which, technically, I did...

One time, before I knew what I was doing, I shaved and THEN Naired... OMG... Do not ever do that... I look like i had acne on my chest. It was enflamed and bumped up... And the pain... I couldn't wear a shirt without wincing. Worse was that I had to wear a V-neck later that week... Luckily, I healed to the point where I could wear some underarmor underneath. I called it my "modesty piece".

So, ever since, I have not worn a V-neck without a shirt underneath. On rare occasions, when the shave goes nicely and I don't feel self conscious, I will go commando under the V-neck, but only after covering it with make up, just to be sure to cover all evidence of my chest hair.

Day #9: Excuses

2011-04-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

Please excuse me from blogging today. I'm emotionally tapped.

I went to a suicide prevention walk. Cried there.

Got rejected (again) for a date. Cried in the car.

Drove around Madison/Mendota/Middleton to relieve stress and just not be at Edgewood. Didn't help.

Came home. Roommate is sitting where he sits every other hour of every other day. I didn't cry about that, but it is none the less stressful that I can't have a place to myself where i can just sit and think without his meat pizza stinking up the room.

Right now, I just need a hug.

Day #8: Why I Blog

2011-04-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a blogger. In fact, I've never understood blogging. I just figure that people don't care about my life enough to sit down and take 5 minutes to read my posts... Perhaps that is a little Pessimistic Patty, but I've always felt that way.

Which is why I'm glad I'm a funny writer. At least *I* think I'm funny. If ya'll think it's stupid, I don't mind because I usually end up cracking myself up. I hope people are reading this, but I'm not sure if I'll continue writing after BEDA. It's a lot of work and if I'm not making anyone else smile, it's not really worth it to me.

I don't really follow other bloggers. I read other people's posts on occasion, but I don't make too much of a habit of it. I just have so much to do, leisurely reading "I ate my cereal in a red bowl today. I put milk in it! It was so good! I think I'll have cereal tomorrow too." just doesn't turn me on when I have a pile of homework staring at me and resenting me for choosing to blog over write a 50 page paper on how HFCS is killing America.

God, I sound pretentious... I'm not. I promise... I'm just busy... Please don't hate me. D:

Day #7: Vegetables and Water

2011-04-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

These are the reasons I love soup.

1: It compliments cheese nicely, which is another favorite flavor.

2: It's basically vegetables floating in water, so it has 0 calories, always.

3: Despite it being vegetables floating in water, it tastes like angel kisses.

4: Angel food cake isn't soup, but I like that too. Also 0 calories.

5: There are so many flavors that you would never get bored if solid foods disappeared. My favorites include white bean chili, chicken tortilla, artichoke chicken, black bean, split pea, minestrone (no noodles, please), corn chowder, and cereal.

6: I HATE Italian wedding soup. Those fake little noodle balls make me so angry.

7: At my next dinner party, I'm going to serve roasted tomato basil soup with cute little mini grilled cheese sammiches. It's will be delightfully quaint, yet contemporary.

8: People generally don't get their pannies in a wad if there isn't meat in the soup. They usually forget there isn't any meat in it! IT'S VEGETARIAN AND IT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Haha, carnephiles. (Meat in soup is kind of a gross idea. You wouldn't eat a squirrel that was sleeping in your swimming pool, would you? A carrot? Sure.) (also, I realize I eat chicken soup. Contradiction noted, then ignored.)

9: Even someone with little kitchen experience can make soup. It's pretty much just vegetables in water.

10. It can be a useful revenge tool. If you dump hot soup on someone, the resulting burn was an "accident" since THEY bumped into you. It's too bad that it's happened every day this week. Perhaps they shouldn't have their nose so up in the air. They might be able to see where they are going.

Day #6: We Dance to the Beat of Opportunity Knocking

2011-04-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

June 4th

Robyn preforms in Royal Oak, Michigan.

It's a 7 hour drive from Madison.

I would sell my first born (but not my kitty) to see her that day.

I have actually never been to a real concert. Ok, I admit that I saw Cyndi Lauper at Pridefest, but I didn't enjoy it, since the area smelled so badly of smoke and the boy sitting next to me was drunk and being gross (and had a tattoo of a wedge of cheese on his neck, beneath it saying "cheesy". Wtf?). So, I don't remember that as being the most funnest time of my life. It was free, so what can you expect?

I do enjoy going to the local comedy club every so often. I feel fancy because I can buy things like daiquiris and margaritas and grasshoppers even though I'm not 21. Granted, they are NA, but I can pretend I'm that fancy housewife living in suburbia for just one night.

Day #5: Money Can't Buy Happiness, But It Sure Comes Close

2011-04-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

If I won the lottery, obviously, the first thing I would get is a kitty. I wouldn't BUY the kitty. It would be a shelter kitty. I would save her from being "taken to the farm" and turned into glue. So why would I need money? I would need money to pay off Res Life into bending the rules into allowing me to keep kitty in the res halls. Bribes and blackmail. That's how that works.

I'm not sure what else I would do with the money. Probably save it. Move off campus. Stay in school a few years longer. I'm sure I could spend a large chunk on material objects like clothes and movies and stuff that won't really matter in a year. I would buy LOTS of kitchen stuff that I've wanted for forever, such as my $700 Shun knife set, stoneware everything, A William stove and a super cool refrigerator (haha. pun).

Perhaps I would pay someone to finish my homework... Since that's what I have to go do now... Blahhh.

Day #4: Listen to Me Because I Know Everything

2011-04-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

Some advice from me to you is this: don't develop allergies. I'm suffering from them right now and they suck so much... :(

But f'real, I strongly believe the key to life is happiness. The best advice I would have for someone would be to wake up every morning and say "Fuck society and the norms I'm supposed to adhere to. I'm going to be happy, dammit". I watch life through optimistic eyes and this gives me the opportunity to find that silver lining that can be so befouled by the Negative Nancy's of the world. Be who you want to be and things just fall into place. You naturally follow what makes you happy, so if you do what you do when you want to, you'll be happy.

I also know that I deserve the best in life, so I am willing to spend money on quality products. I won't get another chance to live in this world, so where do my values lie? In money? When I'm lying on my deathbed, will I look back with a smile or resentment and regret? When I was 7 (or 8. Or some other age. I dunno. I was young), I thought people who said "Life is short" were stupid. Life's not short. I had 73 years left of life. That's a long time... But, I'm 20 now... A quarter of my life is gone. No. Not gone. Enjoyed. I don't look back with regret, because I've enjoyed it. I've faced pain, but have grown from it. I've experienced love and now quest for it. I've gained new friends and have lost old ones. I've laughed every day and look forward to what is going to make me laugh tomorrow. Can you say the same?

Day #3: Hi. I Think I Love You

2011-04-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

I'm what you may call a "hopeless romantic".

Why hopeless? Because trying to find a gay boy who is interested in a serious and stable long term relationship and is both cute and funny is like trying to find an authentic Coach purse in Chinatown. But then, when I do find one, I end up shooting myself in the foot. I get so FREAKING excited to find someone with just *may* have a *little* potential, that I add them on Facebook without meeting them (which probably creeps them out) and send them a friendly message (which also probably makes them say "Liek, omg, wtf is this?"). So I've kind of accepted my fate. I'm not going to find the boy that dances in my dreams anytime soon. Instead, I've developed a new form of relationship, quite typical of an American called "Overworked." It consists of three jobs, 16 credits worth of homework and a double major, an RA position, Safe presidency, and more meetings per week than Obama will have in his two terms as president.

Despite this, there is still that small tiny glimmer of hope that I desperately hang on to. I hope someday to be able to fall asleep next to him and wake up to a smiling face. I hope for a lap to fall asleep on and a hand to hold down the street. I hope for someone who I can cook for every night and gives an honest opinion on whether or not dinner tastes like tree bark and road kill. I hope for someone who will still look at me when I'm 80 years old and say "I love you, Michael. More than anything."

Naw. I'm not crying. Stupid allergies.

I don't know where he is, but I hope I meet him soon.

Day #2: A Haiku for You

2011-04-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

I had a fun time
while in Minneapolis
I want a kitty

All of these good things
Smooshed all into one haiku
Aw shoot. Now there's two.

Day #1: Intro to Me, My Mind and My Biases

2011-04-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Oh hi.

As I'm sure you know, my name is Michael. I go to college. I am a student. I study thinking and stuff. You know.

But more seriously, I don't like taking anything too seriously. It makes the world kind of boring and dry. Plus, who likes being serious. I mean, besides librarians... :P Sorry. Just jokes. One time, my teachers said that library school was where people go for 40 years where they just suck on lemons and study rules, no jokes allowed. Luckily, you lovely people proven that to be false information, as many of my library friends young and beautiful and not Sour Sally's.

Why am I talking about librarians? I'm not a librarian. I'm a thinker. Professional philosopher, if you will. I'm actually sitting in a hotel room right now at the American Philosophy Association annual conference. Pretty fancy, huh? Yea. I know you are pretty impressed. ;)

I'm also a total foodie, as made clear by my blog. I have a lot of opinions on the American diet. For the most part, I believe it blows more than a ceiling fan on high. In fact, if you ever microwave a Lean Cuisine in my presence, I will level you will my judgy eyes. I believe in holistic food made in a kitchen. With a stove. And ingredients. And mixing bowls and spatulas and whisks and, of course, an apron. I look very cute in an apron, if I do say so myself. ;)

This summer, one of my goals is to start my own pantry, meaning a lot of foods canned and processed by me, including my own ketchup, vanilla extract, canned foods like fruits, tomatoes and stuff like that... I believe in voting with your dollars and my dollars are not deserved by those who endorse high fructose corm syrup. Ahh! Stop me from talking about food! I do it all the time! I'm eco-friendly in as many ways as I can and am always looking for new ways to look out for my mother Earth.

So, finally, I will leave you with this, my fellow bloggers. I'm going to change the world. For the better. Some day... Whether that be in big ways like becoming the mayor of Madison or small ways by becoming as self sustainable as possible. I have a passion inside of me that is fierce and bold. Ignorance and selfishness is bullshit and I'm not going to stand for it any longer.

Sorry. I don't know what happened there. I just got fired up. Raaaa! HULK SMASH (peacefully)!

Have a good night, friends!